Empathy is Key: An Interview with “J”
By Fatima Elyssa Hasim
Department of General Education, American University of Health Sciences, ENG 207: Creative Writing
It was an unusual encounter when I first met this man. Although I have seen him around my workplace in Anaheim for the past couple of months, I never really had the chance to talk to him up until this point. Occasionally, I would see him walk along the same pavement, carrying what appeared to be a huge blanket over his back. Nevertheless, meet the sweetest man with the biggest heart, “J.” Upon our initial interaction, he seemed to be a very compliant and warm-hearted individual.
For starters, I introduced myself to “J,” and promptly asked him if he was okay with me interviewing him about his life, how he became homeless, as well as bringing up some questions revolving around health care and the receiving of such. He acknowledged what I was doing was for the sake of a project for class, and gave me consent to interview him. Sitting near a bench in front of a bakery, I gave him the stage to introduce himself. This included answers such as how old he is and where he lives. “I’m 47 years old and I lived in Orange County my entire life. Around 15 years old, my stepdad got a job offer as a receptionist at a hotel, so we ended up moving to the city of Santa Ana so that we were closer to his workplace.” “J,” talked to me about how his parents ended up divorcing at a later point in time because his stepfather ended up cheating on his mother, which led to his mother becoming depressed and in shambles. He also mentioned that his mother neglected him as a result for the next few years, but he still continued to support her, regardless if she didn’t love him. “Why did you continue to care for your mother if she was not willing to support you?” I asked “J.” He responded, “I was always taught to respect my mother. She was the one who gave me the most gracious gift in the world, and that was life. I don’t regret living because my mom brought me into this world, so I wanted to do the best for her – give her the best, you know?” Because of this love, he stayed with his mom while working part-time at a local McDonald’s to keep the roof over their heads. “J” also brought up the fact that he dropped out of high school to take care of his mom. Abruptly, he tells me, “I wish I had done better, though.” “How so?” My heart dropped as “J” explained how his mother passed away through a drug overdose. Giving my condolences, he continued his story that transitions into how he became homeless.
At some point in his life, “J” worked for a couple of years as a part-time employee at Stater Bros while living in a small apartment with his wife of four years. “I was living a happy life with the woman I love, but let me tell you that it all went downhill very quickly. I’m not sure how this happened, but I later found out that my wife had been cheating on me with my best friend, three years into our marriage.” With my eyes widened and my mouth hanging agape, I let him continue his story. “It’s not easy to live a life where you’re taken for granted. I decided to leave with simply the clothes on my back and started living in my car. I really didn’t have anyone else to go to because the last person I had left, already left me.” This was a form of reality I never thought to expect, but I strived on to further understand his situation. I responded, “That truly is a lot to handle, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do you still have that car?” “J” replied, “No, after I used all the money in my wallet for food and gas, I ended up selling the car and continued to use that to buy my necessities. You know, like extra clothes, travel-sized items… essentially, the good stuff. I never went back to the apartment I shared with my ex-wife for obvious reasons.” Things were going well for him until he used up all the money from the car he sold, which took a mere three weeks until he completely had little to nothing in terms of pocket change. For the past 11 years, “J” has been living off the coins and small bills he gains from willing people who cross paths with him in exchange for his heartfelt stories. Some of these stories also come from his experiences with medical care.
One of the main healthcare challenges “J” had to face was the lack of financial stability; after the loss of his car and using up all his money accumulated from it, “J” would only eat twice or three times a week, had it be for the remaining money in his pocket. Fortunately, he takes advantage of the local soup kitchen in the city of Anaheim, whose primary goal was to provide services that advocate and supplement the quality of life for those who are hungry, as well as for those that are homeless, but depend on their services. The nearest homeless shelter around the area “J” is in is about an hour’s worth of a walk, so he usually sleeps on a bench a block down from my place of work. Sometimes, the security would be out patrolling the area, wake him up, and ask him to leave for “disturbing the peace.” I continued to ask questions involving the grab at health insurance and the overall availability of insurance, to which “J” was able to elaborate, saying that they see him in a negative light. He brings up how he has gone to a place and blatantly kicked him out for no good reason. “J” claims that hospitals are, “unsatisfying for homeless people,” and that, “they don’t have great resources to connect people to,” or that, “building relationships with homeless service organizations have also been pretty hard.” He believes that hospitals could collaborate with more homeless organizations and refer people experiencing homelessness to follow up on health or non-health related needs. “I feel that everyone is entitled to the basic needs in life. Y’know, like food, water, clothing, and shelter… it’s the bare necessities for anyone’s survival.”
We concluded the interview by discussing what advice one would give when a person approaches, or is approached by a homeless person. “J” proceeds to emphasize how empathy is key, and that these individuals are people, too. People that are experiencing homelessness may have little social contact, and would want to tell their story with a purpose in mind. “J” has also advised that there is good that comes from charity, but the value of justice puts the icing on the cake, that the poor did not choose, nor do they deserve, to be poor. Thank you, “J.”
